An NRI who spent 11 years in the United States shared why he finally decided to move back to India, saying the biggest obstacle was not money, career uncertainty or logistics, but the fear of being judged by others.
The post, shared on Reddit’s r/ReturnToIndia forum under the title, “I learnt the hard way, but I learnt. Finally, I am coming home,” detailed the user’s journey from building a life in the US to deciding it was time to return.
Reflecting on his experience, the man said he spent more than a decade in America, earned two master’s degrees and built a career that eventually stalled. As he prepared for his return, he realised that the thing troubling him most was how relatives, friends and acquaintances might react.
According to the user, he found himself constantly worrying about what people would say and what conclusions they would draw about his decision to leave the US and return home.
However, a recent realisation changed his perspective entirely.
The NRI wrote that he eventually understood that most people are focused on their own lives, responsibilities and problems rather than closely monitoring someone else’s decisions. He admitted that he had spent years imagining criticism and judgment that, in reality, largely existed in his own mind.
He also shared a personal example to explain the shift in thinking. Because he felt embarrassed about his career situation, he had gradually distanced himself from several close friends over the years. When he recently reconnected with one of them, he discovered that his friend was not interested in discussing salaries, job titles or professional achievements.
Instead, the friend was simply hurt that the relationship had faded.
Reflecting on that interaction, the man wrote that he had effectively created an imaginary courtroom where he was both the judge and the accused, despite nobody around him actually scrutinising his life to the extent he believed.
He added that understanding this had been liberating. According to him, the audience he had spent years trying to impress or avoid disappointing did not really exist in the way he imagined.
As he prepares to relocate to India, the user said he has decided to stop taking himself so seriously and accept that even if people do have opinions about his return, those opinions are unlikely to occupy much of their attention for very long.
He ended the post by asking others who had returned to India after setbacks whether they had gone through a similar experience and whether they too had discovered that much of the anticipated judgment was self-created.
Take a look at the post here:
The post prompted a discussion among other NRIs and returnees, many of whom shared their own experiences of moving back home after spending years abroad.
One commenter revealed that they had recently returned to India after nearly 11 years overseas and were still dealing with emotional challenges, including disappointment with both life in the US and life in India, while trying to adjust to a new chapter.
Another user offered a more cautious perspective, arguing that Indian society can be highly conscious of status, wealth and social hierarchy. While people may not constantly think about others, they suggested that comparisons and judgments do occur whenever individuals interact.
Others focused on the importance of reconnecting with old friendships. One commenter encouraged the Redditor to reach out to the friends he had distanced himself from, share his fears honestly and appreciate those who continued trying to stay in touch despite the passage of time.
The discussion ultimately evolved into a broader conversation about identity, expectations and the pressures many Indians living abroad place on themselves when considering a return home after years spent chasing career opportunities overseas.
– Ends
